Well done, MZone readers

I tweeted about this the other day but felt it deserved its own post.

Last December we asked MZone readers to help the state of Ohio come up with a new slogan for their license plate.  Well, the results are in and apparently you made your voices heard.

Put it this way, here's the opening paragraph from the The Plain Dealer story about the license plate campaign:

COLUMBUS, Ohio — It's pretty clear: Ohioans love God. And they also love to mock Ohio State football.

Uh, I'm going to go out on a limb and say the "they" the writer is referring to aren't Ohioans.  Just guessing.  Because here was another paragraph later in the story:

But some were downright mean and surely won't make the final cut, such as "Worst State Ever," "O-Lie-O" and 81 votes for phrases containing the word "sucks." You get the picture. 

Priceless.  Finally, the story mentioned this:

But about half of the OSU-related suggestions referenced the school's embarrassing recent NCAA scandal, including "Free tattoos."

Terrelle Pryor, the former OSU quarterback who left the school in 2010 amid scandal, pulled in nearly 800 votes from fans or haters, many of whom cannot spell his first name -- there were seven different variations.

And then there was Pryor's coach, Jim Tressel, who was booted from the school and subsequently punished by the NCAA over the same issue.

Tressel received only 16 votes, far fewer than the football program's most popular coach ever, Woody Hayes, who reeled in 656 votes. Even Hayes' arch-nemesis, Bo Schembechler, former coach of That School Up North, got 225 votes. Go figure.

Yeah, go figure.

Best of all, the link above for the Plains Dealer  contains a searchable database of all the submissions.   Gee, I wonder how variations on "Buckstache" got five submissions? (Although the MZone takes no responsibility for whoever submitted "Titty Fucking" as their suggestion.  Really?  "Titty Fucking"?!)

Anyway, I just think it was mighty neighborly of so many MZone readers to help Ohio out.  Well done, folks.  Well done.

Ohio Needs Our Help

Last night, we got a tweet from @BPotterR alerting us to an opportunity to help our neighbors to the south.  Apparently the fine folks in Ohio are looking for a new slogan for their license plates:

On behalf of Governor John Kasich, welcome to "MY OHIO PLATE." Ohio's new license plate and driver's license will showcase how Ohioans feel about Ohio. Please select the one slogan, phrase or fact that you think best describes Ohio. The deadline for submitting your recommendation is January 8, 2012. We'll review your suggestions and unveil the final version later in 2012.

Folks are then presented with a list of options to choose from including (and no, we're not making these up):

*  1st Traffic Light
*  White Trillium (which is not the substance the bad guy is trying to obtain in the next James Bond movie, it's a flowered plant)
*  40,948 Square Miles
*  State of Perfect Balance
*  Rubber Capital of the World

They also have Tosu-centric choices such as "The Horseshoe" and "Woody Hayes" (we're guessing somebody tried to get "Fuck Michigan" on there but was unsuccessful).

Sure, some of these are okay.  I mean, who wouldn't be bursting with state pride driving around sporting "1st Traffic Light" on their license plate.  But none of them really capture what Ohio is.  Luckily, there is a way we can be neighborly and help Ohio with this important and difficult decision.  At the bottom of the BMV page with the choices is a blank write-in box under the heading "What does Ohio mean to you."  Naturally, we have very strong feelings about that one.  So, after giving it some thought, we here at the MZone came up with a couple suggestions:

*  The Buckstache State
*  I believe in hell, I live in Ohio
*  Ohio: It's like Michigan...only without the class or scenery
*  Speed Trap Capital of the World
*  Ohio: Round ends, high inside.  Just like its residents
*  It could be worse, I could live next door in Kentucky
*  Who farted?

Anyway, we're still trying to figure out which one to submit.  And make sure you do your part for Ohio by giving them a suggestion.  Let us know what it is in the comments section.

UPDATE:  T-man sent us his submission.  Pretty darn good...

Inflatable Raft F*cker Arrested In Ohio (natch)

We've all been there: it's hot.  You're hot.  And the inflatable raft is just asking for it.

In a story that screams, "there but by the grace of God go I," an Ohio man was arrested for - wait for it - having sex with an inflatable raft.

Buckstache?  Check!

No, seriously.  Here's another link because, like me, I'm sure you're still shaking your head in disbelief after having clicked on the first one.

Edwin "Raft F*cker" Tobergta was arrested at his home near Cinci on Sunday and charged with public indecency (as opposed to the acceptable practice of boning your pool equipment in private) after he was caught having sex with the inflatable raft.

In the shit-we-couldn't-write-if-we-tried category, the owner of the raft told police he shouted at the suspect to stop.  But instead of stopping, the suspect pulled up his pants and - it gets better - ran off with the raft (apparently in Ohio, a good raft is akin to finding a good woman).

So, was this just a "heat of the moment" thing?  A "crime of passion," you ask?  Nope.  Tobergta has been arrested at least five times for similar offenses (yes, it's another link.  I still can't believe it).  He has confessed to the latest crime and asked for help (gee, you think?).

Look, I normally wouldn't put this kind of stuff up just two short days before the season starts.  But for cryin' out loud, I'm only human, and this is a site that does enjoy making fun of all things Ohio.

I think we can all agree this fits.

"Hellooooo, beautiful.  I wasn't talking to you, lady.  Who's your pink friend?"

UPDATE: Our friend, Mikoyan, did the pic below and put up a link in the comments section.  But it deserves - nay, demands - a bump to the main page.

Why politics and college football smack on a bumper sticker don't mix

I love when Tosu* fans make blogging easy (gee, how many times have I said that here at the MZone?).

Example #468:

Got an email from our pal, SiC, yesterday.  He was driving in C-bus and found himself behind the car in the pic below.  In case you can't make it out, the license plate is "USAOSU" and the bumper sticker reads, "Born in the USA  NO Taliban, Born in OHIO  No Michigan" - yes, with the "an" in both Michigan and Taliban underlined.  As SiC said, "not sure wtf that even means!"

Me neither.  But what do you expect from a guy who drives a MINI-VAN.

You know, each time I get an email from SiC, I end up shaking my head at what he must have to deal with living behind enemy lines like that.  How the dude survives there is beyond me.

No, I don't mean how does he, as a Michigan fan, put up with it.  I literally mean how does he not end up getting killed down there.

Can Women Have a Buckstache?

Figures.

You're Casey Anthony and you want to go to a place where they not only accept known liars, they make hype videos urging football teams to win for them.  So where do you go?

O-H!...

According to TMZ, Casey Anthony was hanging out in Ohio this weekend and - Thank you, Comedy Gods! - was wearing her Ohio State* hat loud and proud.

Which begs the question: Can women have Buckstaches?

No word yet on when Gene Smith and Gordon Gee are going to hold a press conference defending her character.

Shopping for a Pryor jersey perhaps?

(HT: SiC)

Adventures in Heroism

Just in case you missed Yost's (re)tweet of the never ending stream of ridiculous news coming from our friends down south, I give your this little nugget:

A state-wide tribute to former Ohio State University football coach Jim Tressel has been proposed by the Ohio High School Football Coaches Association (OHSFCA).

Solon High School football coach Jim McQuaide proposed this idea to association members for head football coaches through out the state be decked out in a white shirt and tie for Week 1 games. The MZone was able to secure a preview of what Coach McQuaide is planning on wearing when his Comets take the field on August 27th against Shaker Heights.

Why would a group of professional coaches & educators choose to honor a man disgraced by his own dishonesty and disregard for NCAA rules you ask?

The state-wide gesture is to salute Tressel “for all he did to help (the OHSFCA) and high school football while he was the head coach at Ohio State.”

The tribute recommendation was unanimously approved by the members of the Association. The has been no confirmation to the rumor that warned any coach opposing such a stupid idea would be "stuffed in a cooler full of shit".

In other news, another group in the state has climbed up on the bad idea bandwagon. The Ohio Hospital- Newborn Organization (OH-NO) has started a campaign to honor the fallen Buckeye coach and his players. For the rest of the year, OH-NO is recommending that all new born babies get tattoo'd in a show of solidarity and buckeye pride.

According to the group's spokesman, Brutus Griffin Hayes: "We want every little boy and girl born in this football crazy state to know from their earliest memories, where they came from. In these difficult times, we want everyone to bond together and support our poor and misunderstood Buckeye heroes.... and oh yeah... FUCK MICHIGAN"

"Til death do us part" only applies to spouse, not school, for OSU fans

Wow.

That was all I could say when our Ohio-trapped friend, Surrounded in Columbus, sent us the picture below from the the official Ohio State University .edu website which had it up under the title "Now Dad is the permanent 'I'."

Look, if you've ever been to Columbus, you know Tosu* fans are a different breed but this...this...

Wow.

As SiC said in his email:

I'm not sure which is scarier - that the family "did" this, that they took pictures, or that Tous posted it on their alumni web site!

Reader CB also sent this pic/story tip to us after he saw it on Lost Lettermen where they summed it up this way:

We’ve never seen anyone look that overjoyed next to an open casket but being the “permanent I” is probably what many Buckeye fans consider eternal happiness.

One final thought...

Is it just me or does the cross on the wall in the background make it look like they're actually spelling out Tosu?

Things only people in Ohio would do to their bodies

Every now and then, one of our readers sends us something so perfect for the MZone, we can't get it up on the site fast enough.

Case in point is the pic below from Jon (aka @MonkeyWrench32 on Twitter).  It's one of those reader submissions for which a mere "HT" or simple "Thank you" hardly seems adequate. 

Actually, it was difficult even typing the "Thank you" above.  You know, due to the coffee still coating the keyboard and computer screen after the spit-take.

Behold...

I Ohio Ohio?

I know what you're thinking: Somebody did this to their body?!  On purpose?!

This tattoo is so egregiously bad, I'd almost think it's some photoshopped fake. But we are talking about Ohio. And they do have, shall we say, a "thing" for their tattoos there.  Although, even if it was free like most tattoos in C-bus, this dude (I hope it's a dude) got ripped off.

ED. NOTE:  It took me a couple viewings of "I Ohio Ohio," but I just realized I wasn't looking at someone's belly.   I kept thinking as I looked at the picture, Maybe this is fake.  I don't see the belly button.  Where the hell is belly bu-- Ohmygod.

And yet "I Ohio Ohio" is only a mere appetizer to the humdinger below I stumbled upon while working on this post.  Take a gander at "Ohio, Bloody Ohio."

 

And this one I know is real because there's a video of it getting done. 



Yes, America, somebody is walking around with that on their body.  Who, you ask?  According to the tattoo website where I saw it, "This bloody ohio tattoo was done on my good friend Tara at this years Hell City in Killumbus, Ohio."

Yep.  A woman in Ohio.

Naturally.

Offseason

I got a note last night from Yost telling me that he is out today with "real work". He encouraged me to post something if I had it. I searched and searched, and other than semi-naked women and random Ohio criminal behavior -- I could not find anything decent to post about.

Talk amongst yourselves while we figure out what will entertain.

-------------------------------------

Edit: Well that didn't take long... the MZone had not returned when this story was written in August -- but it is timeless in the message.

Behold the story of dueling protests outside of Columbus between a strip club and a fundamentalist church:

The strippers, fueled by Cheetos and nicotine, are protesting a fundamental Christian church whose Bible-brandishing congregants have picketed the club where they work....

.....It's here where dancers strip down to panties and pasties for cash. Meske -- a tattooed mother of four -- said she made $30 instead of a couple hundred dollars last Friday with the protesters outside.

"I'm not the most beautiful woman in the world," she said. "I go out there and I try to make my money."

The only thing I have to say is: Thank God for Fox News Ohio.