Unable to wake up the echoes, Irish learn they are actually in a coma

(from MZone Wire Reports)  South Bend, IN -- After trying for years to wake up the echoes in order to restore their once-proud football program, Notre Dame fans were stunned to learn yesterday that the echoes aren't asleep but are actually in a permanent coma.

The echoes, seen here two weeks ago,
where still thought to be sleeping

Dr. Ronald P. Rosenrosen of South Bend Memorial Hospital held a press conference on Wednesday and declared the echoes officially brain dead.  While Notre Dame fans had been holding out hope that the Fighting Irish would continue to stop sucking, Rosenrosen's medical diagnosis means that the echoes will remain in a persistent vegetative state until they are taken off of life support.

"As much as it pains me to be the one to tell Irish Nation the bad news, their team as they knew it in the days of Rockne and Ara, and even Lou, isn't coming back.  No matter how fooled NBC is nor how long their fans mistakenly believe that they can survive as a relevant independent.  Those days are over."

Following the press conference, Notre Dame students could be seen on campus breaking out in tears - even more so than after witnessing the cluster-fuck that was their team's opening 23-20 loss to USF last Saturday.

"I came to Notre Dame because we continue to always have top 20 recruiting classes and we somehow still manage to get a pre-season top 25 ranking based on absolutely nothing," said sophomore Pete O'Gallagher of Chicago.  "So I thought there was a chance.

"I didn't," said O'Gallagher's roommate, junior Kelly O'Murray.  "I kinda always knew it was over, you know?  I mean, it kept going from bad to worse with Davies, then whatshisname, then Weis.  Now Brian Kelly.  Even still, to hear that it's over and the echoes are never waking up?  It hurts."

When asked for comment, current Notre Dame head coach Brian "Tourette's" Kelly told the MZone to fuck off.  Then he told us to go fuck ourselves.  Then Kelly said "fuck" 30 more times before storming back into his office and slamming the door in our faces, before saying "fuck!" one more time really loud on the other side of the door.

In a related story, the MZone has learned Kelly has re-done the famous "Play Like A Champion Today" sign which hangs outside the Irish locker room leading to the tunnel to the field at Notre Dame Stadium.  Here is an exclusive look at the sign which is set to be unveiled before next week's Michigan State game in South Bend.