Inflatable Raft F*cker Arrested In Ohio (natch)

We've all been there: it's hot.  You're hot.  And the inflatable raft is just asking for it.

In a story that screams, "there but by the grace of God go I," an Ohio man was arrested for - wait for it - having sex with an inflatable raft.

Buckstache?  Check!

No, seriously.  Here's another link because, like me, I'm sure you're still shaking your head in disbelief after having clicked on the first one.

Edwin "Raft F*cker" Tobergta was arrested at his home near Cinci on Sunday and charged with public indecency (as opposed to the acceptable practice of boning your pool equipment in private) after he was caught having sex with the inflatable raft.

In the shit-we-couldn't-write-if-we-tried category, the owner of the raft told police he shouted at the suspect to stop.  But instead of stopping, the suspect pulled up his pants and - it gets better - ran off with the raft (apparently in Ohio, a good raft is akin to finding a good woman).

So, was this just a "heat of the moment" thing?  A "crime of passion," you ask?  Nope.  Tobergta has been arrested at least five times for similar offenses (yes, it's another link.  I still can't believe it).  He has confessed to the latest crime and asked for help (gee, you think?).

Look, I normally wouldn't put this kind of stuff up just two short days before the season starts.  But for cryin' out loud, I'm only human, and this is a site that does enjoy making fun of all things Ohio.

I think we can all agree this fits.

"Hellooooo, beautiful.  I wasn't talking to you, lady.  Who's your pink friend?"

UPDATE: Our friend, Mikoyan, did the pic below and put up a link in the comments section.  But it deserves - nay, demands - a bump to the main page.